As I mentioned in the first section of this newsletter, I was having a hard time connecting to my joy while I was in Arizona. It seemed as though everything in my reality was upsetting me. I was feeling hurt by my mom and my best friend. I was very down. This was puzzling to me, because here I was on vacation for three weeks in Arizona with my guys. I “should” have been so over the moon excited, but I was feeling sad instead.
I realized that what was happening with me was of my own doing. It was the Law of Reflection. Everything in your reality (your outer world) is a direct reflection of your inner world. In other words, your beliefs, thoughts and feelings all lead to the manifestation of your life experience. So I was witnessing all these situations that were upsetting me. I called my girlfriend, Rebecca, who is always such a great support system for me, and she asked me the questions that helped me get to what was the bottom line issue. I always say, “Even coaches need coaches when we are in our dark days.” She asked me, “What are the thoughts and beliefs behind these emotions?”
The bottom line for me was that I was feeling insignificant. It is easy for me to feel significant when I am helping someone change his or her life, or when I witness a client shift. But when I was on vacation, there was no work to channel my feeling of being significant. I had to change the belief that I was insignificant, and more importantly I had to give myself what I needed to feel significant.
What did I do? Whenever I felt a lower level state of being, or when I was witnessing what I did not want, I would stop and connect to my own feeling of significance. I told myself whatever I needed to say to allow myself to feel significant. I looked for evidence that I was important and valued through my husband, son, or other friends. And more importantly, I connected to the feelings of being important and valuable. I would connect to that feeling several times a day. Whatever you are trying to change within you, pick one energy such as the feelings of freedom, or abundance, or significance and vibrate there. Does matter what you call it, if the feeling is a high feeling, all good will flow to you.
I also started to do a process called the Ultimate Mirror Dialogue that I learned from my friend Barbara Rose, PhD. What you do is two times a day you look into your eyes in any mirror and tell yourself three good qualities derived from your observable actions that day. Here is my example: I observed my mothering to Alex. That action displayed the three good qualities of being loving, fun, and responsive. I then would look into my eyes and tell myself the outer action and the three qualities that I had within me that were displayed by doing that action. I would then feel so good about myself and I would feel expanded and joyful. Even if you did something that was not good, what good came out of it? For example, my mom was folding towels and I started to help her. Then Frederic started to help her and she said, “Oh I have such a wonderful son-in-law.” Not “Oh my daughter and son-in-law . . .” So I could have reacted from that feeling of insignificance, but instead I made a joke out of it. Later that day I looked in the mirror and observed how I reacted to my mom’s statement. I reacted with humor. The qualities that I observed were maturity, lightness, and a good sense of humor.
Why is this mirror dialogue effective? Two times a day you are telling yourself the complete truth that you can’t dispute in any way. Sometimes affirmations are great, but other times they don’t work, because they can be disputed. When you tell yourself that you were a great mother and that you showed qualities of being loving, fun and responsive, your mind can’t dispute what you say because it is an observable fact. If you typically believe things when you see it, which we all have that within us, this is a great process to use.
When you are becoming a deliberate creator, it is important to take responsibility for whatever is manifesting in your life. It would have been really easy for me to blame my mom or my friend for what they were doing. Blaming someone or something for what is in your reality is playing the victim, and is not coming from a place of empowerment. When I took responsibility for what was within me, based on what my outer world was showing me, I was able to shift and so did the situations and relationships. I had a great time with my mom and my best friend.
My sister-in-law had the same thing happen to her at work. She was feeling devalued with her boss. She started to think about all the great things that she does at work and all of her great qualities as an employee. She was working with shifting her own perception of her value. As she shifted, so did her outer reality. Her bosses gave her one of the highest honors with the company.
The Law of Reflection
The Law of Reflection is a very important law.
The Law of Reflection says that the traits you respond to in others, you recognize in yourself, both positive and negative.
Everything in the Universe is a mirror reflection of YOU. All relationships are a mirror reflection of the relationship with YOU. This includes your relationship with money as well as people in your life. If you have fear or insecurity about money, success, or anyone
in your life, then these are reflections of fear and insecurity within your own being. No matter how secure your partner attempts to make you feel, how much money or success you acquire, unless you change your inner feelings of insecurity, you will never feel secure.
Have you ever noticed this happens in relationships? The one partner is insecure, and no matter what the other partner says or does, the one partner is never secure and questions the love of the other.
This law can be demonstrated in four ways.
That which you admire in others, you recognize as existing within yourself. When you notice wonderful qualities in another person, it is because you too have those qualities. When I look at Frederic and think about how truly amazing he is, it is an opportunity to recognize that I am just as amazing. I would not have been able to attract him into my life (by the Law of Attraction) if I was not as amazing.
EXERCISE: When you admire qualities in a person, what do you admire about them? Own that you too have those qualities! You wouldn’t be able to recognize them if you didn’t!
The Law of Reflection is demonstrated by that which you resist and react to strongly in others is sure to be found within you. I cover this in depth in my book, Perfect Pictures. Do you have those people in your life that push your buttons? No matter what they do, they seem to upset you in some way? A lot of us can relate to this with our parents. When you start to learn and apply the Law of Reflection, it is freeing. You realize when someone upsets you and you resist a quality that they possess, you can then turn back to yourself and realize that in order to change it outside of yourself, you need to change it within.
The third way that the Law of Reflection is expressed is that which you resist and react to in others is something which you are afraid exists within you. This is the scary part. When we observe this type of quality in another person and have an emotional reaction to it, we certainly don’t want to look at it. I know I used to hate it when my dad would express his anger. It wasn’t until I learned this law that I realized that I too had anger issues. But the good news was that once I became aware of it in myself, I was able to change it. Now when I get angry I have a healthy way of expressing it, instead of blowing
up and upsetting and alienating everyone around me. Because I applied the Law of Reflection in my own life, I can gain clarity and change what I am afraid of.
The Law of Reflection manifests in that which you resist in yourself, you will dislike in others. It is all about self-love. When you realize that you dislike a quality in another person, point the finger back to yourself and that is a great indication of where we need to develop self–love and self-acceptance.
The Law of Reflection is a great way to rise above the effect of fear. Those fears will always be reflected in your reactions to others. Once you recognize that everything is a mirror reflection of you and your inner world, you can recognize them and change them. As you let go of the fear, you automatically open yourself to express more unconditional love for yourself and others.
Our emotions are a gift from our higher self to let us know how we are feeling in each moment. It is our guidance system. How are you feeling? Remember feelings are the language of the Soul and the Soul always stands in its integrity. So how are you really feeling about yourself? Want a clue? What reflections of other people and other things are affecting you? When something irritates you about a person, situation, or circumstance, identify what is really irritating you. Now look deep inside yourself and identify that irritation inside of you.
Conversely, when you are with someone who makes you feel positive emotions, or you are happy doing an activity, or you see an object you really admire, look deep inside yourself to see what it mirrors to you that you like about yourself. The reflection that you have identified you cannot change in the other person or object. You must change
It if it irritates you, inside of you. If it pleases you, you must enhance it inside of you. You cannot change anyone else – only you. When you look in a mirror and your hair needs brushing, do you brush the hair on your head or the hair in the mirror? Everything is a reflection if you open your eyes to empowering yourself at Soul level. Look for the reflections and see what they teach you about you. By wanting to expand your consciousness and choosing to expand your spiritual growth, see the reflections as your continual growth opportunities – see these reflections as fascinating, exciting openings to become Who You Really Are as you strive to remember you are a part of Source.
The Truth and the Law
1. Your outer world of form and experience is a reflection of your inner world of thoughts and feelings. As above, so below. As within, so without. That is the Law.
2. The greater your awareness of the Presence of Spirit within you, the more that Presence fills your consciousness. That is the Law.
3. The deeper your understanding of Spirit as the Source, Substance and Activity of your supply, the more permanently that Truth will be etched in your consciousness. That is the Law.
4. It is your spiritual consciousness –your Knowledge of the Presence of God within you as total and complete fulfillment –that interprets itself as every form or experience in your world. That is the Law.