A part of the divine plan for our lives is to have loving and supportive relationships. To create that, we must adhere to universal laws such as The Law of Attraction. In this episode, Frederic Gobeil and Christy Whitman shed light on this fundamental truth and identify practical ways you can apply this in your relationships. They also share the impact of having a coach to widen your perspective and the use of affirmations in connecting your thoughts with your feelings.
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The Law Of Attraction And Relationships
One of the shows that we’re going to be doing is based on someone asking, “Could you talk to us about the Law of Attraction and relationships?” That’s actually what we’re talking about now. Because of that, we can be flexible. We are in a new scenario. We’re on a couch. That’s because Karen Peters, who’s in my Quantum Success Coaching Academy, she had commented that, “A couch should be cozier.” Here we are. Thank you, Karen, for that comment.
One more thing I want to say before we get into the subject is that Frederic and I are not necessarily right or wrong. This is information that we learned, we apply, we live our lives by and it works for us. It’s our experiences. We had someone that made a comment about one of the shows about boundaries and disagreed and felt that it’s not being a boundary. I’m using my mother and that’s okay. Everybody has their perspective and we certainly appreciate and can respect other people’s perspective. We’re not here to argue with anybody or debate with anybody what’s right or wrong, but this is what works for us. We want to share that and the whole purpose of this show is that we found the formula that works for us, which we hadn’t before. We struggled. All this information that we’re sharing is to help each one of you. The people that have felt aligned with it and felt a resonance with it, their relationships are changing too. If you don’t feel like it’s for you, thank you for reading and we wish you well. We hope you find the information. For those of you that do feel aligned, we appreciate you being here. We’re here to give you more.
We are here to support you. It’s not about being right or wrong. It’s about giving someone the support and the experience basically that we’ve had. What we’re sharing is exactly that and were basically real life of what happens when you change from not necessarily an unaware style of coupling to a more of a conscious and aware type of relationship.
On this episode, we’re going to talk about some of the universal laws. I talked about that there are seven essential laws to being able to be masterful of your life. That includes the area of relationships. I will say this, the divine plan for our lives is in four different quadrants. One of them is having loving and supportive relationships. I should say there are universal laws that we must adhere to be able to create loving and supportive relationships and be able to utilize relationships for what they’re for. I always like to think of the Law of Attraction is like a boomerang. What you send out is going to come back to you. When you are thinking thoughts like, “My partner’s a jerk” or “My partner never gives what I need” or “My partner’s critical” or “How come I’m not enough?” or any of those thoughts, that’s an energy that goes out. When you’re sending out those thoughts, your thoughts are not independent of each other. Your thoughts create an emotional response, the emotions then create more of a thought process. They’re working together and it creates a vibration. That vibration goes out into the universe and then it is matched by this thing called the Law of Attraction that is meaning up with the resonance of what your vibration is that you’re giving out.
Think of yourself as an energy tower where you’re sending out signals all day, every day by the things you believe, the things you say, the things that you think, the feelings that you have and whatever subject you’re having about those negative vibrations or positive vibrations will be reflected to you. In the aspect of your relationship, if I’m having negative thoughts about my partner, what’s going to happen is those negative thoughts are going to be reflected. We want to have this discussion based on that the Law of Attraction is like a mirror in your relationship. There are two facets of that that we want to talk about.
In understanding one of the universal rules of relationship is that whatever you’re feeling that’s your either missing or that you’re receiving from your partner, it’s like a mirror. We have to look at if you’re feeling you’re missing something and you want something from your partner, maybe you wanting more time and you feel lonely, that’s not something that we have to try to get from our partner. You’re coming from a place of not-enoughness, which we’re going to talk about that next time on the Law of Sufficiency and abundance.
If you’re feeling lonely, it’s up to you to fulfill yourself with the essence or the feeling that you do want to experience. Instead of feeling lonely, what do you want to experience? Do you want to feel connected? Do you want to feel fulfilled? What is it that you want to experience? Because as we’re looking to our partner to be our source to give it to us, we then get disappointed and then we look at him as, “He’s not doing it. He never satisfies me. He’s not enough. How come he doesn’t love me enough?” We push the blame on the person instead of realizing at the emotions that we’re having inside of ourselves are ours. Do you want to say something about that?
Unconsciously we do choose partners that tend to have the traits that we’re looking for. For example, we’re looking to be more creative ourselves. We’ll align with a partner that is much more creative and that’ll be our self-expression. That’s where we come into a relationship where there’s fusion that happens is that all of a sudden, you lose your own identity. Instead of creating yourself, that sense of purpose, the creativeness that you want in your life or even in the areas that you want to have better traits, you look within yourself. You work at getting those traits, working at getting inspired from that place instead of looking at your partner to be inspired by them and what they have.
The point of all that is you don’t want to look to your partner to be your source of what you are looking to experience in your own life. The other thing is that we want to understand that people, especially those that are in an intimate couple, people mirror whatever drama is going on with the inside of them. Other people’s behavior, for example, towards you reflect something that’s going on inside of yourself. If you look at your relationship based on Law of Attraction, based on as a reflection and based as a mirror that maybe you want to change something in the relationship or whatever, maybe that your partner is critical of you. It’s important to look at yourself and say, “Where am I critical of myself? Where am I beating myself up? If I feel like my partner is critical of me, where am I doing that in myself?” If the partner is critical of you, it means your partner is also critical of himself.
We had this happen where I felt like Frederic was a little on edge. That doesn’t happen too often, but I felt like he was a little bit on the kids. I was like, “What’s up?” Two minutes later, he was on me and I go, “I like when you’re connected to your heart.” You can speak to that, but he came back to his heart. I can tell when he’s being critical of himself or beating himself up because it’s reflected in the way that he is with everybody around us. The same is true with me too. The Law of Attraction is a mirror and if you’re having some reaction to your partner, that’s your reaction. That’s your emotions, that’s what’s going on inside of you. That’s important to pay attention to, to become conscious, to be aware, to understand and to know so that you can then shift it and then create a different outcome.
Creating A Loving Relationship: It’s up to you to fulfill yourself with the feeling that you want to experience. You cannot get it from someone else.
Back to that story, you’re right. With the way we were communicating, I was not connected to myself and I was getting irritated by what the boys were doing and what the dog was doing. All of a sudden, you came up to me and you’ve kindly and lovingly said to me about not being connected. That was awesome. That’s a good way of us seeing and showing that we’ve done our growth. We’ve had a lot of experience doing this. I don’t want to say we avoided the conflict, but it didn’t come out as a conflict. It could have come out as, “Why are you acting like this with me?” It becomes a conflict. That’s the difference between being aware of certain situations and when we become aware of each one of us, each of our emotions, our thoughts, our feelings and then we can communicate that to the other person. We can communicate to the other person in a loving way, “I think that there’s a place where you’re not being too connected. Is there some anger that’s going on inside?” I can come up to her and say, “I’ve got a little bit of anger inside. I’m a little bit thrown off right now.” I was thrown off. There was some impatience that I reacted from. It came from someplace. I had to look within, see what was going on and take care of myself.
When you understand that Law of Attraction is at play here and everything is a mirror reflection, it’s either being outer reflected. In this case, with Frederic feeling off, we’re all human, so we all have those moments for me to not take it personally. In the good old days, most other couples, if they take something like that personally, “Why are you being so critical to the kids? Why are you critical of me?” The person feels insecure and it’s like, “I’m not enough. He doesn’t love me anymore.” All the insecurity start coming up. Because I know and I felt very connected to myself and I know who I am and I know that he loves me and I know we’re on the same team, watching his behavior, not only with the dog but with both of the boys, and then with me, I then understand what his behavior is doing is reflective of what’s going on inside of him. If he’s agitated or impatient or being critical, it means that he’s doing that to himself. Coming from that place of compassion, I was able to say to him, “You‘re angry. What’s wrong with you? Get your crap together.” It wasn’t like that. It was more of like, “I love when you’re connected to your heart. I love when we have that connection,” and it softened him because he needed something obviously, a reminder to get out of whatever was spiraling in his head.
Because I was in my head, instead of adding fuel to the fire, it brought me back in my heart.
Your relationship, it works both ways. If you’re looking at your partner and you’re noticing something’s off with your partner, it’s not an opportunity for you to take it personally. It’s an opportunity to realize you’re two separate people are having two different emotions because he’s experiencing what he’s experiencing. I don’t have to make it about me and I could look at him going, “He must have something going on with him. He must be stuck in his thought process or maybe he’s beating himself up or he’s being critical of himself or he’s impatient with himself. Whatever he is going on within him is being reflected outside. The same is true is that it when I am feeling like I’m getting criticism from him, I can also look within myself and say, “Why am I attracting that? Am I being critical with myself?” You want to ask yourself in your relationship. If you see something in your partnership that you want to have changed, the thing is the only person you can change.
That’s one of the universal rules of a relationship is you cannot change your partner. You can only change yourself. You want to ask yourself, “How is my partner treating me and mirroring how I’m treating myself? How is the attitude or behavior that I want my partner to correct something I need to transform within myself?” When you ask yourself that question, it allows you to connect more with yourself and look at is that person being critical? Is that person judgmental? Is that person impatient? Are they pulling away? What is the behavior and then what can I do to take care of myself? Maybe I’m pulling away from myself. Maybe I’m not as connected to my divine self. Maybe I’m being critical or beating myself up. What’s going on within me that would be attracting this from my partner?
What are the beliefs that I’m connected with that are more negative? What are the emotions that I’m feeling, maybe it’s anger or sadness? Look into all these thoughts and these feelings, why are they creating these types of emotion and senses inside? It’s so that you can be aware and then you can work into having more of positive beliefs, positive emotion, slowly create more of a positive aspect in your life.
How can you treat yourself differently, so lovingly? What’s the most loving thing you can do or say or be for yourself? We have a different program coming up. We have something you can go right now on ChristyWhitman.com under Conscious Coupling. We have a 30-day meditation where you can create a loving relationship with your partner. We have another online course coming up and of course we do our couples coaching together. You can go to ConnectedCoupling.com, fill out the form if you want more of that help to be able to see. What I love about coaching, is that you’re in your tunnel vision a lot of times.
Even when you’re in your relationship, it’s hard to see past. When you have a coach that can see and has been trained in Universal Laws, especially the Law of Attraction. That coach can then help you see from a different perspective and catch things that you may not be able to catch and catch things that you’re not doing in a couple that you’re not able to see. Here are the action steps, the takeaways that we want you to have is to look at is what the feeling is? The essence that you want to experience in your relationship. Think about the essence rather than the form. Instead of like, “I want him to bring me flowers,” or “I want him or I want her to make me a lovely dinner.”
What’s the bottom line feeling that you want to feel in your couple? Is it connected? Is it loved? Is it fulfilled? Is it satisfied? What is that essence energy? That’s something that from the Law of Attraction perspective, when you start to cultivate that feeling in yourself, everything will then start to reflect it. The Law of Attraction is the Law of Reflection or another way of saying it’s a boomerang. What you’re giving out, you’re exuding out in your feelings, you’re going to get that. If you’re feeling satisfied, you’re going to get more things that satisfy you. Start with that quality. Start feeling what you want inside of yourself. You’re the only one that can change anybody. The only one you can change is yourself. All of your relationships will change when you start to shift the vibration side of yourself. Focus in on your relationship, truly on what you want instead of what you don’t want.
This is another thing that’s important in a relationship, in any aspect of life, is don’t focus on what you don’t want, but truly focus on what you do want. If you notice a behavior, like I was noticing the other day, I am like, “I don’t want that. He’s this or that. It doesn’t feel good.” I was like, “What do I want?” I want him back in his heart because he’s so beautiful in his heart. He’s so loving and I feel so connected when I’m in my heart. That’s when I was saying to him, not from, “I want you back in your heart. You’re not there. You’re missing something. You’re coming from lack.” I exemplified to him and shared with him what I do appreciate. I love when you’re connected to your heart. That was all it needed to say, to bring him back into his heart, for him to go, “I’ve been in my head.”
Creating A Loving Relationship: Use affirmations or mantras and tell yourself what you want to feel in your relationships because thoughts and feelings go together.
Sometimes it’s a matter of thinking, “I’m a little bit too much in my head.” As an example about focusing on what you want rather than what you don’t want, sometimes your partner comes up with an idea of either a weekend out or going out at a restaurant or buying something for the family. Sometimes I tend to do that instead of seeing it where we feel maybe that’s too much money or is it in our budget? When we put aside the idea, the idea becomes all of a sudden smashed in the ground. That’s how it feels for her.
I’m like, “Let’s go play it.” He’s like, “What’s the budget on that?”
I’m focused. Now what happens instead is that now I’m focused on what I don‘t want versus being focused on that would be cool to have. It’s a good idea to have a new car or a new refrigerator or look at a new vacation for next year where we want to go. That’s the point. Focus on what we want rather what we don’t want and not looking to the many excuses that we could make, to not have that be part of that idea.
One of the tools that you can use is affirmations or mantras. You can tell yourself, “I now have satisfaction in my relationship. I now have connectedness in my relationship.” Tell yourself that because thoughts and feelings do go together. As you start to focus on what you do want and what you do have, you will start to feel the fulfillment of that. They will start to build on each other, creating a vibrational difference, which will then have the Law of Attraction kick in and give you that reflection back into your relationship. I do want to say this one thing because this is a significant story. I remember when the boys were two and three. This isn’t even in our relationship, in an intimate relationship. It’s all relationships and we’re in a relationship with everything. I remember I got done teaching class and I went upstairs and my boys were two and three at the time and they were with their nanny. I was so excited to see them and cuddle them and hold them. Neither one of them would come to me. I felt crushed because they wanted to be with the nanny because they were in the middle of playing a game and they were giggling and everything. Me coming in there interrupted it. I wanted to hold them and hug them and talk to them and they weren’t having it.
That brought up in me such a place of insignificance. “I’m so insignificant,” that was the story I had. That was a feeling that was dormant inside of me, but also active at the same time or else I wouldn’t have attracted it. I remember I felt so depressed like, “My kids, I’m insignificant to them.” I felt sad and down. What I know to be true is that I have this emotion that’s going on inside of me and I truly felt like, “What am I even here for?” I think for the first time in my life I got to understand the pain that my sister was going through when she decided to end her life.
Because I was in that place of, “I am so insignificant that my kids don’t even want to come to see me. I’m so insignificant to the people I’m supposed to be most significant to.” I found that energy place inside of me. Plus, thank God for healers and coaches and mentors myself, I was able to talk with a wonderful man. He helped reflect me that I am significant. He held the space for me so that I could go into that place inside of me that felt that I wasn’t significant, that part of me that felt insignificant and allow myself to shift that energy from inside. Never again have I had that feeling because I got to a core issue.
When you look at life like this, instead of going, “My kids don’t love me anymore,” and then creating a pity party or being a victim or anything like that, I was able to say, “Clearly I’m attracting this situation from my kids at this moment.” What is bringing up in me is I feel sad, I feel so insignificant. I feel so powerless. It was the probably one of the worst emotions I’d ever felt. To be able to find that from an energetic perspective and then to shift that and then shift into different language around that and that I am significant and my boys love me and I am a good person and I have a significant reason for being here, I shifted out of that.
Relationships are a gift in that way because they do show you what’s going on inside of yourself. If you take responsibility for that, shift the thoughts shift the emotions, command what you do want to happen, focus on what you do want, say, “I am significant. I have the relationship that I want,” you will see your outer reality will be reflected in a very different way. No matter who you are, no matter if you’re a man or a woman, no matter if you’re married or not, if you’re in a couple or not, the Law of Attraction is always working whether we want it to or not. We need to become aware of it because it is like gravity. I do not have to sit here in this chair and if I don’t think about gravity, I’m going to float into outer space. Gravity is working whether I’m thinking about it or not, so were all the universal laws. We’re going to be going through some of them so that you can understand these laws and how it applies to your relationship.
Doing the work is what it is. We all have these things in our heads that we go through. What you felt when you feel that you are insignificant, all of a sudden you were saying things to yourself and negative talking. We all have those types of talking in our heads and then those feelings that come up and it doesn’t take much derail and to ask for help and get someone to guide you in that in that way where you can realize where it’s coming from and then change that energy, change that feeling. We invite you to fill up our form at ConnectedCoupling.com.
Next time, we are going to be talking about what if you believe in the Law of Attraction and your partner doesn’t? How do you do that? How do you navigate that? Start looking at all your relationships as a reflection. The cool thing is it can’t change anyone but yourself. When you change yourself, change your world.
