Negative self-talk…. that ongoing, ceaseless commentary that runs through our heads. It’s is the voice that reminds us of all the things we could have said or done better. It’s the internal judge that sits on our shoulders, evaluating our every move. It’s that comparative, competitive part of us, constantly measuring our talents against others and proclaiming us as lacking.
The benefits of positive thinking have been well documented. But what is less understood is just how detrimental negative thinking can be. Negative self-talk is incredibly destructive, both to our state of mind and to create the experiences we desire in life. Once you realize this, you’ll be able to break the habit and finally start being kind to yourself.
Your Internal Atmosphere
Have you ever passed a co-worker in the hall and instantly known they’re in a bad mood? Our mood is a reflection of our personal energy field, and it precedes us everywhere we go.
Our energy field is like a palpable atmosphere that follows us – like a sunbeam or a raincloud – into every interaction. And it’s created by 2 things: 1) the thoughts we habitually think; and 2) the emotions those habitual thoughts produce within us.
Here are some all-too-common examples of the type of negative self-talk that make up our internal atmosphere:
- “I’m not smart enough.”
- “I’m too lazy.”
- “What is wrong with me?”
- “I shouldn’t have said/done that.”
- “I never meet anyone interesting.”
- “No one understands me.”
If this is the self-talk you’re offering as you walk into a social situation, what are you likely to experience?
What you look for, you tend to find.
Every time we indulge negative self-talk, we are encouraging momentum toward something we don’t want to create. And while you can’t turn this momentum around on a dime, you can take steps to gradually become more self-compassionate.
Here are 3 keys to breaking the habit of negative self-talk so you can finally start being kind to yourself:
Key #1: Meditate.
Many of our thought patterns are automatic. Our thoughts are so habitual and familiar that we often don’t even recognize when our self-talk has turned negative. Like an engine that’s pulling in an unwanted direction, the first step is to put the gears in neutral.
Meditation is the go-to practice to interrupt the cycle of negativity. By disengaging your minds from all thoughts, you give yourself a much-needed reprieve from negativity. And this clears a space for a new, kinder relationship to develop between you and you.
Set aside 15 or 20 minutes each day – preferably in the morning – to sit quietly and simply observe your breath. Or if you prefer, focus on a candle flame, the sound of soft music, or the rhythmical hum of a fan. When your attention wanders away from the object of your attention, keep bringing it back. Quieting your mind helps you break the habit of negative self-talk so you can finally start being kind to yourself.
Key #2: Change Self-Limiting Statements to Open-Ended Questions
Many times, our negative self-talk takes the form of catastrophizing, overgeneralizing or exaggerating. But watch what happens when we change self-limiting statements into questions:
- “I’ll never get this done in time!” becomes “How can I make the most of the time that I have?”
- “I always do this wrong!” becomes “What have I learned from the past that I can apply to this situation?”
Self-limiting statements hold us needlessly in undesirable circumstances. By turning these to open-ended questions, we shift our focus from what is to what’s possible.
Key #3: Appreciate
No matter what your circumstances, you can always find something to appreciate. And self-appreciation is the key to breaking the habit of negative self-talk.
When you look at the good things you have and say “thank you,” you are appreciating. When you’re having a tough time and do something loving for yourself – as you would for a friend – you are appreciating.
In the midst of a negative internal dialog, it’s not possible to receive – or even notice – a compliment. Negative self-talk blinds us from seeing possibilities that are right in front of us. But when you’re kind to yourself and appreciative to the universe for its many gifts, you open yourself to receiving.
Christy Whitman is an energy healer, celebrity coach, and the New York Times bestselling author of The Art of Having It All: A Woman’s Guide to Unlimited Abundance. To understand how to more deliberately co-create the life you desire, visit www.watchyourwords.com and gain access to a free 30-day training.
