Have you been in a relationship where you felt like you are holding the love back or you are not allowing yourself to receive love? When two people come together no matter the form of relationship, the divine design is to have a soul connection and to have love be supportive and receptive. When you feel yourself holding back or wanting not to give out love or receive love, then there are blocks that are not connecting you with the other person as well as with your true divine. In this episode, Frederic Gobeil and Christy Whitman talk about dissolving the obstacles to love and the five ways to do it.
—
Watch the episode here:
Listen to the podcast here:
Below is a transcript of the video and audio above. The paragraphs and sections are alternated between bold / not bold for ease of reading along with the video or audio.
Below is a transcript of the podcast. The sections bolded are by Christy Whitman and the unbolded are by Frederic Gobeil.
Dissolving Obstacles To Love
We are talking about the Dissolving Obstacles to Love. If you ever feel that you are in a relationship, any relationship especially your couple and you feel like you are holding the love back or you are not allowing yourself to receive love or you feel like there is something blocking the love. We are going to talk about five ways on how to dissolve that. It’s a lot of different ways you can start giving and receiving love. When two people come together no matter the form of relationship, the divine design is to have a soul connection, to have love be supportive and receptive. To be flowing in and out and to not have that energy of true love not conditional love, but true unconditional love to be able to feed both people first from source and then connect to other people you are in a relationship with. When you feel yourself holding back or wanting not to give out love or not receive love then there are blocks and those are obstacles that are not only connecting you from the other person but also connecting you from your true divine. Your real divine design of having loving and supportive relationships.
The first thing we want to do to be able to dissolve obstacles to love is to look at what are the positive aspects of the person? To love them in a way that praises them for who they are, what you think about them and what the positive aspects are. What you appreciate, what gratitude you have about them and be able to come from a place of supporting them and who they are and to release the criticism, the judgments, the complaining and all of that. Because that creates more obstacles to love. Even in your own mind, if you are criticizing your partner or judging your partner, that will have an effect on the relationship because everything is energy. Even if you don’t say the words out, “You’re like this or you’re that,” in a critical and judgmental way, it does feed the energy in the relationship and your partner will feed that.
That criticism will come out at one point as a sideways as we call it. It comes out all of a sudden not in terms of words necessarily, but it will come out in a specific gesture or a look. Be careful with that criticism that is in your head with your partner. That’s why we are saying it’s better to try to find the positive aspects, find what you are grateful for in the relationship that you have.
We were coaching a couple and we could both tell that one of the people in the relationship they’re done. They have no desire to open up their heart. They want to be in that space of making the other person wrong, being critical and judgmental, arguing for the limitations in the relationship and arguing why there’s a big obstacle. If you’re done, you’re done if you have no willingness to grow.
What it is you could see the love energy is not there.
It’s blocked.
Usually, a couple that wants to continue together wants to learn how to step into a more skillful relationship. Have these tools to help them so they can continue, they can grow together. They can be more connected. Have awesome experiences together. To witness one another in this growth. That loving energy is enough to keep you moving in the right direction.
It’s feeding the relationship. They’re feeding it or you’re deteriorating that love. Are you starving it or are you feeding it?
If there is no more loving energy, then you see that the complete wall is there.
What most people don’t understand is that when you have a wall towards anyone, you’re not only closing down the energy, the love, and the flow that you have towards your partner. You are disconnecting from your divine self because your divine self that’s not only inside of you but also inside of them doesn’t think about the other person what you’re thinking about them. Your divine self is not criticizing that other person. Your divine self is not judging that other person. Your divine self loves you and that other person infinitely.
As you are closing your heart down to that other person you are also using that as an excuse to close yourself off from your own divinity. That’s important to understand. If you are criticizing, judging, or condemning any person what it does to you inside of you is it closes you down. It closes your heart down. Your heart is the valve for which the divine can connect through you. If your heart is open, then you have that alignment. You have that connection and you have the ability to flow out love to your partner and also receive it. If you find yourself in a place of being critical, condemning or judgmental, start to look at the positive aspects. Start looking at things that you love and appreciate about that person that you are in a relationship with. Acknowledge the person the next time you see them, verbally tell them something.
A lot of times we talk about the five languages of love. It was one of the first episodes that we started with is that Chapman has a book and it’s still in the New York’s time, The 5 Love Languages and one of those ways that we express or give love is words of affirmation. Next time you see that person, next time you are with that person, if you have the ability to text that person or call them on the phone talking about what you appreciate. Talk about some of the good qualities that you do appreciate and verbalize it to that person. That will open up a valve or a stream of love and appreciation. If I am saying to Frederic, “I love it, you have such a beautiful open heart. I love what an amazing dad you are. I love how patient you are with the kids or I love how you take care of yourself so that you continue to be a great father to the kids. If you get frustrated, you take care of yourself.” When I am telling these those things and I am acknowledging him for those things, how do you feel?
I feel wonderful. I feel like it opens up my heart and it feeds my love and that’s what it is. We want to feed each other’s love. In some of our couples that we have couples coaching with, I hear them, sometimes people say, “She already knows that,” or “He already knows that. Why would I tell her? We’ve been together for so long. We already know that.” That’s the feeding of the relationship and that’s engaging with one another. Not just thinking that, “We already did that and I’ve already given her some flowers.”
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
“I have already complimented her and told her she was beautiful several years ago.”
“She knows that,” and “He knows that of me.” Don’t assume in the relationship. It’s great to feed with these small little gestures and small things of these beautiful comments to one another.
It’s the small things because we all have busy lives. As we were getting ready to take the kids to school and get ready to be in the studio, we have the dog doing his zoomies all over the house and the kids chasing him and trying to get ready for school. I walk out of the closet and he stopped and goes, “You look beautiful.” That took him two seconds to say that, but that fed me and I was like, “Thank you.” With all the chaos going on, it doesn’t matter and even when I was going to bed, I always go to bed a lot of times before he does. I was in bed and it didn’t even take a minute to look in each other’s eyes and allow the energy in our eyes in our look to have our heart feed that look. It was such a beautiful, fulfilling, loving connection for a minute before we went to bed.
That’s how we feed our relationship doing those things. If you are looking at your partner and you didn’t want to look at him in the eyes and go, “Ugh.” That’s not a good sign. That’s something internal that if there is something blocking your love if you start opening up the energy and start being informed on what’s blocking it. Whether it’s a thought, a past wound, a past resentment or emotion. Your willingness to open up your heart and start connecting with your divine self again and start letting love flow and start looking at that person for who they are and what they are about.
Not everybody is all bad, not everybody is all good. If you start looking at the positive aspects, that’s one of the best ways to start dissolving the obstacles to love. That’s number two, to dissolve obstacles to love is to keep your heart open and be willing to be vulnerable. Be willing to ask for what you want. We talked about in the last episode is to be direct, be specific, and kind when you are asking for something. Think about the person you are creating a relationship with. If you are having the fear that you are going to lose that person, the person is going to abandon you, you’re not going to get what you want, you’re not enough or any of these things, that fear closes down your heart.
You came together as a couple in order to see each other individually and to witness each other grow together. If you are not willing to be vulnerable in that space of when your partner is looking at you, then that won’t create that connection, the awareness, that consciousness, that level we want in a relationship. We all want a relationship that’s loving, a relationship that is fulfilling for everyone and a relationship where you get to enjoy all of the beautiful amazing moments and adventures together.
You can both have what you want in the relationship when you are both aligned. You both get what you want in the relationship. A little example, if you feel that there is some wall around your heart saying that you are willing to have this wall dissolved. You might look at it energetically. Is it a big wall? Is it thick, tall, completely surrounding your heart? Picture what is standing in the way of you being able to express your love and to receive love. To be able to keep your heart open.
As I talked about in the council in the Quantum Energy Mastery course, your heart center is your transmutation station. If you are in that space of feeling love, self-love, connected love, any other lower-level emotion when you are open-hearted is going to get transmuted, the doubt, the fear, all of that. Love is the dominant vibration that transmutes everything else. If you have the wall, you see that wall and tell yourself, “I am willing to dissolve it.” Give that wall permission to let it go and see yourself literally dissipating it or seeing a bomb blowing up the wall or however you want you imagine it. Seeing that armor being taken off so that you can allow that energy of love to flow.
For me, I used to have that wall and that wall was an escape for me. The wall created my own walls in my own prison cell if you will. I couldn’t see myself even. What I was showing to others was basically what I wanted them to see. It wasn’t Frederic that’s coming out, it’s how Frederic should be seen by others, how he should perceive and how others perceive Frederic and that’s what I should show up. That’s not the work that we want to do. The work is being our own soul, our own self inside, the authentic self. My work was to understand what I was feeling inside of me and to be able to feel these emotions and say that was coming from inside of me instead of saying what I wanted others to hear.
That’s the third point. The third way of dissolving obstacles to love is to understand that you yourself are lovable. For being able to connect with the Council of Light and being able to see and feel from their eyes. Each one of us is infinitely loved and we can start to understand that we are lovable. To be willing to be seen for who we are, like Frederic was talking about, he was afraid to be seen for who he was. He wanted to project this image of, “This is who I am,” instead of being seen. He would be there, you would see him there and he would look all perfect and stuff but he was so contained inside of himself because he was afraid to be seen for who he was. When he let those walls out, I tell him all the time, his personality came out, his humor came out and more of his energy came out. I’m more in love with him now than I ever was because I know him more. He has allowed the essence of himself, that unique individual he is to be totally free because he is willing to have that vulnerability.
I’m still working on it.
We all are.
It’s a constant work in progress. It’s not something where we say, “I worked on it once and I am done.” There are things that come up and create more of the wall all of a sudden, which gives me the feeling of wanting to escape and the want to pull back. At least now I have the tools and the skills to understand what goes on and say to myself, “I don’t want to do the backing up.” This reaction is not me. I want to make sure that whatever I say comes from what I feel inside.
It’s about doing your own inner work. It’s not like getting a diploma. I graduated from Arizona State University, I forever have that degree. It’s something that we work on. As we might think, “I already worked on that issue. Shouldn’t I be done with that?” The spiritual path is a spiral path and we hit things at different levels. He, I, or you might still have things that come up, “I hit that issue again.” You have but you are at a more aware level. He was saying, “Now I have the tools to hit that. I can have a better understanding of what that issue is.” That’s what consciousness is. It’s being aware, it’s having an understanding, having the knowledge, and knowing what to apply so that as you are spiraling up it doesn’t affect you like it used to. It might take you down before and you might get completely lost in it, now you have this different awareness.
It would be good to talk about it in another episode The Levels of Consciousness. For this, it is your own inner work and understanding that you don’t have anything to hide, that you don’t have anything to protect or defend against. To accept yourself as you are who is a unique individual, that only you have an expression of the divine flowing through you and there is nobody like you. To let yourself be out, let yourself be loved and let yourself appreciate who you are. Is there anything else you want to say on that?
Let yourself be who you are. You are the only person on earth who thinks that way, behaves that way or acts the way you do. Let us know who you are. We want to hear from you.
Call Frederic. He would like to hear from you. The fourth one we want to talk about being able to dissolves obstacles to love is it is important to empower people rather than save people. We talked about this before in different shows. Our whole entire video series From Drama to Love is about the three roles that we play inside the drama triangle. Many of us try to save our partners. We try to rescue our partners and we need to be able to love them and see them as their own unique soul going through their own unique journey and allowing our partners to take responsibility for their own lives. Our souls know that by taking responsibility for our own selves that’s one of the ways we grow. By playing the rescuer trying to save our partner, are we trying to make things better for them, not that we are not caring, but trying to work for them. It doesn’t work. It enables them. We want to empower them and not try to rescue them or save them.
It’s timing and asking. You can help. Ask that question, “Do you need my help?” That person can see if he needs help with that subject.
Remember it’s all about energy. You are trying to help the person. Are you doing it for them so you feel better or are you trying to help them? Are you trying to empower them? These are some of the ways that you can dissolve obstacles to love. In the next episode, we are going to be talking about how it’s all or nothing. It’s either all or it’s nothing and that’s being the drama triangle. We would love to hear your comments. As Frederic said, we want to know about you.
We want to hear from you.
We want to know who you are. You can connect with us at ConnectedCoupling.com or leave us a comment on ChristyWhitman.com or on YouTube. Thank you so much for reading.
Important Links:
- The 5 Love Languages
- ConnectedCoupling.com
- ChristyWhitman.com
- YouTube – Christy Whitman
