I wanted to share a VERY personal story to illustrate how important being real and honest with our emotions is to our overall health and well-being.
I was in my eighth month of pregnancy and the entire time I felt amazing. I did not have any of the typical symptoms that most women have with pregnancies. This was not because I am lucky or a coincidence. I worked through a lot of my “issues” and fears about being a mom, stepped into my feminine creative space and decided to create the experience the way I wanted it to be (You will learn this at the Goddess weekend).
All of a sudden I started to feel horrible. The left side of my head was killing me and no matter what I did-the pain persisted. I also started to have my sciatic nerve on the left side of my body start to really hurt. I know after doing this work for over a decade, that any pain in the body is resistance in the mind. I also knew that the left side of the body represents the feminine and the right side represents the masculine. Was it a coincidence that just my left side hurt? No. There are no coincidences.
I also know that I am an amazing creator, and typically don’t do pain in my body. Seeing me go through this was hard on Frederic. I knew it was draining him and was not fun for him to be around me. I was also noticing that I was snapping at him, which I never do.
I had many fears that were coming up around him and not being happy, which logically does not make sense because we are so in love and happy together. These negative thoughts and fears that I had felt caused a whole cycle of negative things to happen. My feeling sorry for myself was draining him. I could feel him pulling away, which was leading to more fears about our relationship. So I need to stop this pain and step back into my empowered Goddess space.
I went through the 4 steps to change. These steps can be used to change any emotion, creation, or situation.
1. Recognize: I am feeling pain in my head and my left sciatic nerve in making a pain in my butt. It is on the left side of my body, which represents the Goddess/Feminine side. So physically I am not feeling well. I am also just getting over a cold.
Emotionally and mentally I have been feeling down. I am not looking like myself because of the pregnancy, so I don’t’ feel good about myself whenever I look in the mirror. I don’t see me. I see an over inflated me and I don’t feel she is very beautiful. I don’t even recognize the person that I am looking at. This brings up fear in me about Frederic, which I know is all coming from me. I feel like he is bored and tired of my condition. I don’t feel he is attracted to me because of the way I look and my fear is that he will stop loving me. (This was all my stuff) I even voiced this to him this weekend and he assured me that he is very much attracted to me, that I am pregnant and he loves me, and that if he is bored or unhappy then it is his problem and up to him to change. (God love him!) So I am creating this drama and fear for nothing. It is not about him, it is about me.
(Recognize: What do you have in your experience? What is the situation or circumstance that you are unhappy with? What are you feeling? Recognize those emotions are of a low vibration)
2. Acknowledge: Who is creating this? ME (We are always creating everything in our reality. When you can take responsibility for this, you can then have the power to change any situation)
Why am I creating this: It is all my reality and my outer is a reflection of my inner. So why am I creating this?
First, I am upset and angry (this was new to me). When I look in the mirror and that person that I knew isn’t there anymore, I get mad. Nothing has changed for Frederic since this pregnancy. He gets to still go golf and play poker. He still looks the same. His body didn’t change. His skin did not change. He is exactly who he was and will continue to be. He doesn’t have to lose a bunch of weight after the baby is born. For the first time, I can admit, this is pissing me off! Why does the woman have to do all the work in creating a baby? (Keep in mind my whole experience up to this point was magical. I was honored to be the one carrying the baby and feeling Alex grow and move. I loved being one with him.) No matter how much I loved this experience, there was a place in me that was feeling angry and resentful. I thought, I can continue to look at that in this perspective, or I can look at the wonderful things that the woman gets to experience. But there are emotions that I am feeling and I need to be honest and real and express them so they are no longer in my body causing me pain.
Second, I am feeling sorry for myself, and when I do, I get Frederic’s attention. He touches me and massages me to make me feel better. The thing is that Frederic already does these things for me, so I don’t have to be in total pain and create this drama to receive his love and attention. He always gives me that. The end result is that it is draining him and I think it is a way for me to punish him for the anger and resentment I am feeling. So I am pissed off at him. I am pissed off at God for creating it this way, and I am pissed at myself. I did my anger exercise to release the anger at Frederic, God and myself.
3. Forgiveness: I forgave Frederic and that it is not his fault. I know he will help me and be an amazing partner. It is not his fault that he doesn’t have to create the baby. As a matter of fact, I am the one that gets to bond before Alex even comes, so it is a privilege for me. I forgive Frederic. (I said this over and over until I felt it within my body). I also forgive God for creating it to be like this for the woman. I actually now feel grateful that I get to experience this because I am the one that gets the instant bond with him. I forgive the Goddess for not creating this different as well, and again I feel grateful for the experience. Finally, I forgive myself for needing to manipulate Frederic to get his love and attention. I forgive myself for leaving my Goddess space and for feeling totally powerless. I forgive myself for not catching this earlier so I didn’t have to drag on and continue to cause me so much pain and discomfort. I forgive myself for feeling angry and resentful at Frederic. I forgive myself for using self-pity to numb my emotions so I didn’t have to look at and address the anger and resentment I was feeling.
4. Change: I am deciding right now to embrace this situation and accept that it is the woman’s life that changes during pregnancy, including her body. I know I will have an even better body after the baby is born. I step into my empowerment and know that I am creating a miracle. Men don’t get to do this, only women. I have been chosen for this amazing being, and I am honored. I embrace my Goddess, my empowerment, and my body the way it is today. I return back to loving and accepting myself as I am in this moment. I love and accept my body for what it is creating. I step fully back into my power and feel my own worth and value, knowing that I am worthy of Frederic’s love. I know what we share, how much he loves and adores me, and how wonderful our lives are together. I know how bringing Alex into our lives is just going to bring more love and joy into this family (and it has). That is all I need to focus on as it relates to him and our relationship. I am now feeling empowered and connected back to my Goddess self, and amazingly enough . . . my headache that I had for weeks and was getting worse each day, is TOTALLY GONE!
It never came back after that moment, because I released the negative emotions that was causing the resistance and led to the pain. My sciatic nerve also let go and I was pain free for the rest of my pregnancy.
This story is about my experience, but no matter who you are, you can use these four steps to change for anything that you want to change in your life. Be real and honest with yourself and your feelings. They are your emotional set point and the vibration you are created from.
“Any time you have physical discomfort of any kind, whether you call it emotional, or physical pain within your body, it always, always means the same thing: “I have a desire that is summoning Energy, but I have a belief that is not allowing so I’ve created resistance in my body.” The solution, every single time, to the releasing of discomfort or pain — is the relaxation and the reaching for the feeling of relief.”
Excerpted from the workshop in Kansas City, MO on Sunday, August 29th, 1999 Our Love, Jerry and Esther
